


The Rain Song

by VeraBAdler



Series: Houses of the Holy [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bunker Fic, Fluff, Human Castiel, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 11:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2505437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeraBAdler/pseuds/VeraBAdler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This one's about love and... Love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rain Song

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "The Rain Song", the second track on Led Zeppelin's _Houses of the Holy_ album. Listen [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4v-_p5dU34).

Castiel has loved. He has loved God, his Father. He has loved the other angels, his brothers and sisters. He has loved Heaven, his home.

He has loved to praise his Father, and loved to obey his commands. When his Father commanded the angels to love mankind, Castiel obeyed with joy. When his Father commanded that the Righteous Man be raised from Hell, Castiel obeyed with zeal.

And here's where it gets tricky. Because the love that Castiel feels for Dean Winchester? That love is different.

The love that Castiel feels for Dean is nothing like the immaculate love he has felt for his Father, for his fellow angels, for his heavenly home. It's nothing like the benevolent love he has felt for mankind as a whole. It's nothing like anything he has ever felt before.

When Castiel first glimpsed Dean in Hell, his lost soul brilliant in the darkness of the Pit, he was overcome. In his relentless march through the infernal battlefield, he stumbled and almost fell. In all his millennia of existence, he'd never seen anything so beautiful. It called to him, sped him on to his goal.

When Castiel first laid a hand on the Righteous Man, he thought the ecstasy he felt was uncomplicated – satisfaction in a job well done, delight in serving his Father. His blissful roar of “Dean Winchester is saved”? The possessive handprint seared into the man's flesh? Signs, perhaps, of a certain overenthusiasm. Nothing more.

Castiel raised Dean's soul from Perdition, rebuilt his rotting body around it, and finally met the man face to face in a barn in South Dakota (taking a knife to the heart for his troubles). The angel could not explain the pull that he felt as he gazed upon the Righteous Man, the impulse to understand and comfort. Intending only to deliver a simple message about God's plan, he found himself lingering, engaging, staring at his face and striving to understand the man's anger and lack of faith.

At first it seemed like a puzzle – how could it be that the Righteous Man didn't think he deserved to be _saved_? If he could understand, he thought, if he could solve the puzzle, he would learn something new about humanity. That struck Castiel as a worthy goal, but the more time he spent with Dean Winchester, the less he understood. Frequently, the man's actions and motivations were utterly incomprehensible to the angel.

More unsettling, Castiel did not understand his own reactions. He didn't understand why he was moved to speak to Dean of his doubts and innermost thoughts. He didn't understand the drive he felt to protect Dean, to help him, to answer his prayers, to come when he called. He didn't understand why he couldn't stop counting those freckles. He didn't understand why he couldn't look away from those green eyes. He didn't understand why sometimes he thought he could feel that husky voice resonating within his very grace.

Years go by and the pull that Castiel feels towards Dean Winchester only grows stronger. They fight and kill and die with each other, _for_ each other. They leave each other, over and over again, but always find their way back together. Castiel doesn't understand why any of this happens. He doesn't understand, and he doesn't understand, and he doesn't understand.

Then he becomes human, and he understands. Metatron takes his grace, and Castiel _feels_.

Alone and unprotected, he feels fear, and loneliness, and despair. He feels weariness, and grief, and regret. These emotions are devastatingly new to him.

And when he gazes upon Dean as a man instead of as an angel, he feels adoration. Hope. Tenderness. Desire. Joy. Amazement. Rapture. _Love_. He realizes with a shock that these emotions are _not_ new. Not at all.

Of course, Castiel doesn't tell Dean about any of this. He may be naive. He may be inexperienced. He is _not_ stupid. Dean Winchester is his friend. Dean Winchester loves women. Dean Winchester does not love him. Not like that.

So Castiel keeps this feeling, this _hugeness_ , inside him. The boundless love and desire that he feels, that fills him up until it seems he might burst, is suffused with fear. If Dean were to find out, he knows, it would be disastrous. He would lose Dean's friendship. He would lose everything. Castiel must never, _never_ tell Dean that he loves him.

It's early on a Thursday morning when Castiel tells Dean that he loves him.

The words just slip out. Dean, sleepy and soft, is at the kitchen table with his coffee. He's so beautiful. Castiel loves him so much. He doesn't intend to speak, but his mouth falls open and he hears his own voice.

“I love you, Dean.”

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics that inspired this work:
>
>> Speak to me only with your eyes. It is to you I give this tune.  
> Ain't so hard to recognize - These things are clear to all from  
> time to time. 
>> 
>> Talk Talk - I've felt the coldness of my winter  
> I never thought it would ever go. I cursed the gloom that set upon us...  
> But I know that I love you so.


End file.
